How To Save A Life
by AllThingsAnime123
Summary: What can I say? I love this pairing! x3 RemusxSirius FLUFF I don't own ANY of the charaters used, they all belong to the genius that is J.K. Rowling
1. The Meeting

**~REMUS POV~**

I stand staring out at the crowded platform, thick grey smoke billowing from a giant scarlet steam engine clouding my vision. My jaw drops as I turn back and look at the supposedly solid brick wall behind me. I instantly regret standing my ground however, as a tall boy with matted brown hair comes flying through the wall. He'd clearly taken the entrance at a run, like me. His trolley collides painfully with my hip, throwing me to the ground.

"Watch it, freak!" He spat, then without so much as an apology for knocking me flying, stormed away.

Gingerly, I pick myself up. My hip bone was aching fit to bust, and my trunk had toppled over as the boy had pushed his way past. Not wanting to aggravate another student before the term had even begun, I heaved my trunk up and dragged it a little way away from the entrance. I can't move far however, because the ache in my hip was too much. I stop and rub my hand against it, then pull my shirt up a little. Already my pale skin is tinted with black, blue and purple; it's going to turn into a colourful bruise. My eyes scan the skin covering my stomach, wincing as I take in the scars, the tooth marks. With a shudder, I drop my shirt. It hangs off my skinny frame like all the other clothes I owned. There was no point in getting me anything that was expensive, because by the full moon it would have been ripped into shreds and ribbons.

I sigh as I continue to rub my still throbbing hip, and look around at all of the other students gathered on the platform. I see small collections of families, huddled together, mothers saying words of encouragement, fathers looking proud. I just about manage to hold down a sniff, my mind wandering back to my parents. They'd never be able to be proud of me, would they? Who'd be happy to escort a _monster_ to school, wishing him luck and giving him praise? No parents, that's who. I jolt as I feel a wave of jealousy pour over me. What did I do to wrong fate, so that it made me like this? Why was I the one who was singled out, the one who would be forced to spend their life alone, too scared of hurting everybody to be able to make friends?

This thought sends another wave of emotion around my body. I'd have to make sure I didn't get close to anybody while at Hogwarts. I couldn't risk it. What if I gained some close friends, but then hurt them? What if I made them like me? I shudder as this thought comes to my head. I can't let that happen. I can't condemn innocent people to live the half life of a cursed being.. I rub my hands up and down my arms, trying to get rid of the goose pimples that had erupted all over my skin at the thought of my evil being spread. I wouldn't be able to deal with the guilt if it happened..

A sharp, loud whistle cuts through my thoughts. I look up, and notice the parents hurrying their children towards the train. With a sigh, I pick up my trunk again. My hip protested by spreading agony all the way across my waist. I winced loudly, but continued to drag and haul the heavy trunk towards an open door of the train. I didn't look where I was going, and this resulted in me banging right into another person. I whirled around, and jumped.

A boy about twice my puny size was towering above me, his face like thunder. He had a pointed chin and skin almost as pale as mine. Slicked back blonde hair stuck to his head, looking oily and greasy. His cold grey eyes glared at me. He was wearing flowing black Hogwarts robes, and I spotted with a sinking feeling of ice cold in my stomach, the green and silver emblem of Slytherin house upon the chest. On the other side, gleamed a bright Prefect badge. I shivered. The look in this boy's eyes wasn't at all friendly, and from I'd heard of students in Slytherin, they weren't to be messed with.

"Why don't you watch where you're going, kid?" He snarled.

Unable to answer him, I stared. Fear was numbing my brain.

"I asked you a question, you little bastard." His voice gained a new level of menace.

Still, I stayed silent. This seemed to annoy him even more, because a new glint of fury appeared in his grey eyes.

"I think he's a bit brain damaged, Lucius."

The blonde boy looked over his shoulder, as did I. Standing behind him, also glaring down at me like I was a speck of dirt on their shoes, was the boy who had deliberately banged into me, causing my hip to ache dully.

"What do you mean?" The Lucius boy snapped.

"He was standing gawking at the platform like a retard. Had to basically push him out of my way."

Lucius smirked, and turned back to me. I saw his eyes do a sweep of my body, taking in my hair, eyes and clothes. When he had finished, his smirk seemed to grow.

"I didn't know the standard of Hogwarts had slipped _this_ much.. I mean, look at this." He sneered, and pointed out the rips and holes in my shirt to his cronies, who sniggered. "Couldn't your parents afford clothes that actually stay together?"

I shook silently as him and his friends collapsed with laughter. I could feel the wolf blood within me boiling in fury.

"And look at his eyes! Who has amber eyes? What sort of _freak_ are you?"

The insult of my eyes had been my final straw. They were the only thing that made up my entire self that I actually liked. I found that the unique colouring separated me from most normal children for something that was beautiful, not monstrous. Before I could calm myself down, my mouth had opened.

"I wouldn't make fun of people if I was such an arrogant prick." I spat.

I guess the only reason I wasn't being jinxed by them was that they were in shock. The brown haired boy and two others were staring in shock from me to Lucius; clearly he hadn't been spoken to like that before. It only takes a few milliseconds for him to react though.

With a snarl, he pulls his wand from the pocket in his robes and advances on me, eyes now steely. I wince and close my eyes, expecting any second to be flat on my back in agony. But just like I had expected the crash from the barrier, it never came. I opened my eyes a crack, then they widened in shock.

A boy a little taller than me had stepped in front of Lucius. All I could see of him, for he too was dressed in Hogwarts robes, was his hair. It was as black as the midnight sky, cut in jaggy layers that hung around his shoulders. It looked soft and silky, and I twitched as my hand, acting of its own accord, had reached out to touch it. I froze to the spot when I heard the boy speak; his voice was colder and angrier than Lucius' had been when I had walked into him.

"Wouldn't do that if I were you, Malfoy."

"And why not?" Came the livid reply.

"Witnesses."

I felt a shudder of cold slip down my back. Was this boy who had supposedly saved me telling Malfoy to wait until there was no-one else to curse me? Malfoy seemed to be wondering this as well, because he had dropped his arm to his side. While he hesitated, the boy reached behind and grabbed my trunk, before walking off with it dragging behind him. I followed him quickly, not wanting to be left alone with four angry Slytherins. He didn't pause to say anything, just hurried up the steps of the train, my trunk making dull clunking noises behind him.

"Hey-!" I tried to call to him, but either he didn't hear me over the chattering voices, or he ignored me. I decided it was the latter because honestly, who'd want to talk to me?

After we've walked down half of the train, he spots an empty compartment and dives for it. I scurry right behind him and close the door behind us. He heaves my trunk onto the rail above his head, next to one already placed there.

"Isn't someone already sitting there?" I asked timidly.

"Yeah, me. I spotted what was going on, so I came to help you out." He points out of the window, and I see Malfoy and his friends now looking around, looking even more confused. His voice still sounded a bit cold.

He turned to look at me finally, but I flinched, expecting him to shout. I was utterly perplexed when he started roaring with laughter. I blinked blankly and he pointed at the top of the window. The top part lay open, and I could hear parents calling last minute goodbyes to their children. I realised with a pang that he must have heard everything. I found myself staring at the boy who was still laughing, and felt my heart throb uncomfortably. His jet black fringe covered his entire forehead, the tips of which had started to creep over the top of his eyes. His skin was pale but with hints of colour, and I noticed that his eyes were a slight shade lighter than his hair as he finally stopped laughing. His frame was skinny but I could tell that his arms and legs were stronger than they seemed.

"Uh.. What was so funny?" I asked.

He smirked, and my heart gave another jolt.

"Never thought I'd see another first year stand up to someone like Lucius Malfoy." He said, his voice a lot lighter, more welcoming. "Nice going!" He leant forwards and patted my back.

I had been right in the assumption about his strength. I was knocked forwards accidentally as his palm made contact.

Still smiling, he grabbed my shoulders and steered me into the seat next to the window. He sat opposite me, lounging back in the chair.

"What's your name then?" He asked.

"Remus.." I almost whispered.

"I'm Sirius."

I smiled weakly as he started talking about what house he hoped to be sorted into. I was only half listening; I couldn't draw my attention away from how handsome he was. I gulped as the compartment door opened again, thankful for the distraction. I looked over, and saw a boy about my height. He was skinny and tall, with messy black hair and glasses. His trunk stood in front of him.

"Mind if I sit here?" He asked.

"Go ahead." Sirius grinned.

As the two boys began a conversation about Quidditch, I zoned out completely. The train had started to move, so I turned my attention to the changing landscapes. As the train picks up speed, the images blur and merge into one. I rested my forehead against the glass, and closed my eyes. As soon as we got to Hogwarts, I had to distance myself from Sirius. I couldn't let myself get close to him. I couldn't. Especially after he'd saved me.

I steal a sideways glance at him. He's smiling and laughing again. I turn my head back to the blurry world outside. I can't let him fall into the darkness that engulfs my life. I won't let him suffer because of me. Not to be able to see him smile would kill me.

*

"Lupin, Remus!"

I gulped as I walked shakily towards the rickety stool and worn old hat. My eyes scanned the Great Hall one last time before the hat was placed over my head; Malfoy was glaring up at me, as if daring me to want to be sorted into his house. I looked nervously over to the Gryffindor table, where Sirius was sitting. He gave me an encouraging smile, and a thumbs up. It made me feel slightly better, even though right now I wanted to throw up. Suddenly, all I saw was blackness. Then a quiet voice in my ear seemed to be humming. Moments later however, the roaring voice filled the Hall.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

I sighed with relief, took off the hat and walked slowly towards the table full of cheering people. My eyes found Sirius; He was laughing and motioning me over. My legs refused to obey my brain which was telling them to head over to a seat away from everyone else. Instead, I found myself settling into the seat next to Sirius, still trembling. I turned to look at him. He smiled at me then ruffled my hair. I ducked away from his hand as he laughed. I was thankful he didn't ask why I had jumped as if electrocuted. How would I have been able to explain that his touch sent shivers up and down my spine? I blushed scarlet, and turned back to the Sorting.

Maybe.. Just maybe, I'd be able to stay with Sirius without him finding out..?

I felt my spirits lifting as this thought settled in my mind, and found myself applauding and cheering along with everyone else as two more boys joined me and Sirius; James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. Maybe, just maybe, I could be happy within this school.


	2. Secrets Revealed

**~NORMAL POV~**

Life for Remus at Hogwarts castle was the happiest he had ever experienced before. Not only had he managed to befriend Sirius, but also James and Peter. None of them seemed to talk about his monthly disappearances, and when Remus told them he had gotten ill every time, they didn't argue or ask questions. For the first time in his life, Remus wasn't troubled by the wolf within him. Even his dreams were peaceful. The boy couldn't believe the drastic change in him thanks to his three friends. James was mouthy and loved to cause trouble. He was also brilliant at Seeking, as he had demonstrated in their very first flying lesson. He got on well with practically everyone, so the constant coldness of their fellow first year, Lily Evans, confused him. Sirius in particular found this hilarious. Peter was a quiet boy, who kept his watery eyes down in lessons, not talking to anyone or drawing attention to himself at all. Remus assumed he had glued himself to James and Sirius as it quickly became apparent they were going to be popular. However, they sometimes didn't appreciate Peter's sensitive manner, so much so that he was forced to hide behind Remus, shivering. Remus felt sorry for him. Had it not been for Sirius, he was pretty sure he'd have ended up even worse than Peter. Sirius was the biggest show off Remus had ever seen, with the possible exception of James. He was clever and loved to show it, and pretty soon he had his own fan club within Hogwarts. Even the older girls were showing an obvious interest in his dark hair, black eyes and his rebellious manner. Sirius knew all about this, and thrived off it.

As the Christmas holidays came along, Remus should have known what to expect. He should have realised that as not many people would be staying in the castle, his three friends would be throwing a party to take advantage of the extra space. He didn't count on James looking out of the window, and spotting him crawling out of the secret tunnel of the Whomping Willow as the monster, before transforming back into himself.

But that had happened only a few hours ago. Now, Remus sat curled up in an armchair by the fire, tears rolling silently down his cheeks, knowing it was all over. Sirius sat opposite him, his raven black hair covering his eyes. James was in the seat next to him, looking anxious, and Peter on the floor at their feet, his eyes wide with terror. Remus swept a violently shaking hand across his face, wiping away the tears. This move was useless however, as his face was soon covered again. He dropped his arm back to his side, and shuddered. His robes were ripped beyond repair, and the scratches he had inflicted upon himself tonight were still pink from Madam Pomphrey's healing potion.

The tense silence was finally broken by James' timid voice.

"How long has this been happening, Rem..?"

Remus looked up at him through his tears. He saw out of the corner of his eye that Sirius hadn't even moved.

"S-S-Since I wa-s se-ven.." He sobbed. He noticed that, at these words, the hands resting upon Sirius' chair curled into fists.

"Do.. Do you know who..?" Peter stammered.

Remus gave a shaky nod. "Fen-r-rir Greyback."

I was as if the fire had been extinguished, and a breeze of snow had blown through the common room. The other three boys shivered at the name of the dreaded werewolf. James nodded solemnly. The fists that belonged to Sirius tightened so much that his knuckles turned ghostly white. Peter looked too scared to stare Remus in the face.

Remus sobbed harder than ever, his shivering became worse.

"I sh-sh-shouldn't have l-let you guys be-c-come my fr-friends.." He muttered shakily. "I shouldn't h-h-have kid-d-ded myself th-that I would b-be able t-t-to k-k-keep this from you.. I'll l-leave you guys alo-"

But he was cut off by Sirius. The boy had finally lifted his head up and was _glaring_ at Remus, his black eyes full of steely anger. His voice was as cold as it had been when he was saving Remus from Malfoy.

"What are you _talking_ about?"

Remus blinked in shock. Even James looked amazed by the tone of his best friend's voice. Remus shook all over again; He hated the way Sirius was looking at him, as if trying to pierce him with his glare.

He trembled worse than ever as he spoke. "I..I s-said I'd l-l-leave you guys al-one.."

Sirius leapt to his feet so quickly that both James and Remus jumped out of their skins, and Peter actually shrieked, then toppled over onto his back, where he stayed. Sirius didn't seem to have noticed though. His eyes were fixed on Remus, his tightly curled fists shaking.

"You think that's the only answer to this problem?" He spat menacingly.

Unable to speak, Remus nodded. Sirius growled deeply in his throat, and dragged his hands through his hair.

"You're wrong, Remus." He growled eventually. He removed his hands from the dark curls of his hair, and dropped them to his sides again. Remus felt slightly relieved when he saw Sirius no longer balling them into fists. "It's simple. Me, James and Peter will become Animagi. We'll learn how with every single spare moment we get, so that you won't have to suffer on your own anymore." He said this with such grim determination, that Remus couldn't summon the power to argue.

James blinked once, then his gaze became lost of worry or fear. He stood next to Sirius, and nodded.

"I'm all for it." He said.

The two glared down at Peter, who had managed to struggle to his knees. He looked from them, to Remus, then sighed softly, and stood, somewhat reluctantly, next to his friends, and nodded once.

Remus was stunned. He had entered Platform 9 and ¾ adamant that he would not become close to anyone while he was at the school, that he wouldn't endanger their lives. Yet he had become best friends with the school's biggest trouble makers. They now knew his desperate secret, yet they weren't scared or disgusted. In fact, they were willing to go through years of constant pain and frustration just so that he, Remus, wouldn't have to be alone when it came to the full moon.

"Why.. Why would you do this..?" He managed to whisper.

Sirius stepped towards him, raising his arm as he went. For one terrible second, Remus thought the raven haired boy would hit him. He was shocked therefore, when Sirius wiped away the rest of his tears. Sirius bent down so that he was level with Remus' eye line; Remus saw with intense relief that Sirius' eyes were no longer steely, but bright and sparkling once more.

"We're not gonna abandon you because of this. You're a great pal Rem, and without you, I'd be stuck in detention every night 'cos I can't be bothered to do the homework. Besides, who else is gonna keep you company on the full moon? Hey.. That could be your new nickname.. Moony.."

Over Sirius' shoulder, James smirked.

"Way to make it sound like he runs around constantly showing off his backside."

Soon, the three of them were laughing. Remus' eyes widen, aware that Sirius still had his hand spread across one of his cheeks, before he smiled and was laughing along with them. So this was what it felt like to be happy.


	3. Love Is Pain

**~REMUS POV~**

My first three years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry passed without further tense moments, apart from that Christmas in the first year when the others discovered what I was. It took them a further two years to become used to the pain and effort it took to become Animagi, but eventually they managed it. James became a tall, handsome stag, Peter a rat, and Sirius into a shaggy coated black dog. Even now, I couldn't believe they'd done it all for me. And it was all Sirius' idea. He was the one who wouldn't let the others back out. It made me love him even more than I did. It took me a whole year to work out why I couldn't have him so much as brush against me without feeling shivers; I loved him, completely and totally. The trouble was, he wasn't interested in me that way. And that killed.

"Uh.. Rem?"

I blink, having been lost in my memories. I turn my head and spot Peter sitting opposite me, a small rickety table in front of us,

"Yeah?"

Instead of speaking, the plump boy pokes his finger towards the roll of parchment and the textbook perched on the table. I glance at it, and just about contain a sigh. I'd been helping Peter with his History of Magic homework essay on Goblin Rebellions, but no matter how much I'd explained everything to him, he would just blink stupidly up at me, not taking any of it in. No wonder my brain had wondered off to more important things to me, like Sirius.

I rub my temples, and drive Sirius out. Peter was counting on me here, I couldn't let him down. I pull the textbook towards me, and motion for Peter to sit closer. He obliges by scraping his chair along the flag stoned floor. The noise the movement created made my teeth grit, and my temper flare. He knew how moody I got on the lead up to the night of the full moon, and as it was the day before, he really wasn't helping.

I take several deep breaths to calm myself, and launch once more into the same explanation I'd been giving him ever since we'd started this two hours ago. The essay was due tomorrow, so if he didn't finish it by tonight, he was doomed.

After reading the passage from the book to him for the twentieth time, then looking to see the same vacant look in his eyes, my temper snapped. I threw my hand into my bag, pulled out the notes I'd made in the lesson where this was all explained and slammed them on the table next to Peter. He jumped and fell backwards off the chair, but I just didn't care anymore. I stood up and walked away from him, breathing deeply.

I look up as I hear the portrait hole bursting open, and several people in the common room laugh. I start. James is trudging miserably towards me, his entire face covered in painful looking blisters. I run over to him, ignoring Peter's shriek of surprise, and wave my wand. The blisters fade quickly, and James nods at me in thanks.

"What happened?" I ask in shock.

"I just asked Lily Evans if she wanted to ditch the loser Snivellus and take a walk out in the grounds with me.. As you saw, she didn't like my offer too much.." He replied, his tone dull and flat.

"Prongs.. I don't wan this to sound bad, but.. Maybe you should give up on her..?"

James shoots me a glare so full of rage that I find myself retreating back to Peter's table. As James storms up the boys' staircase, I look sideways down at Peter's parchment. He's written a few notes for himself from my own work, but hasn't started writing the actual essay yet.

I sigh, then take my seat again. Peter flinches as I extend my hand to him, sending a wave of guilt coursing through me.

"I'm going to start it for you, Wormtail.." I say in as soft a voice as I can manage.

He looks immensely relieved, and pushes everything towards me. As he starts to gush thanks and apologies, I pick up the quill and start to write. Soon, I'm so engrossed in the essay that I don't hear the portrait hole opening again. The catcalls and whistles that follow this go unnoticed by me too. It's only when Peter whistles that I'm snapped out of my trance, and look up.

Sirius had just walked through the hole, his arm around a pretty girl I'd seen once or twice in our Transfiguration class. I spot his hand lying across her thin shoulders, and she was grinning so widely you'd have thought they'd been engaged to be married. Sirius was smiling too. The pit of my stomach dropped, and my entire body turned to icy slush.

I blink, and when I open my eyes, they're kissing. And not kissing like you should do in public. It's like they're trying to eat each other's faces. Boiling fury replaces the ice inside me, and I realise I'm shaking. I turn away from them, as Sirius pins her against the wall, and gather up the things scattered across the table.

"I'm going to finish this in the dormitory." I spit at Peter, then take off up the stairs before he can say a word.

I push open the door with such gusto that it slams against the wall, and parts of the wood splinter. I don't even look at James' nonplussed face as I cross the room and throw myself onto my bed. I quickly draw the curtains around myself, trapping me in darkness. I throw the books and sheets of parchment at the foot of my bed, then bury my face in my pillow.

I really should be over acting like a five year old having a temper tantrum every time Sirius brought a girl back to the common room, but despite how much I tried, I couldn't manage it. I just couldn't bare being anywhere near either of them. I had tried it once, and it had ended in disastrous ways. Sirius had strolled over to my table and pulled down the book that was concealing my face to show her off to me. According to James, my eyes had gone from amber to steely gold. When the girl had tried to talk to me, I had actually growled at her. Later, when Sirius had asked me what the fuck my problem was, I had screamed that I didn't want to see what he or his whores got up to. We didn't speak to one another for three days after that.

Even now though, Sirius didn't seem to get that I couldn't see him with anyone like that. Or maybe he didn't care.

_That's not fair.._ Said a voice inside my head. _How would he know how you feel about it? You never tell him how you feel about him.._

I head butted the mattress underneath the pillow, catching my forehead on a spring. Pain shot through my head, but at least it drove the voice away. The springs groaned as the sheer force that I had forced on my head made me bounce. It killed me inside to see him like that with a girl. But I would never, _ever_ tell him so.

I wince quietly as tears filled up in my eyes and seeped over the brim. I tucked up my knees and held them close to my chest, face still buried in my pillow, sobbing. Why did I have to feel this way? Above everything else going wrong in my life, why did I have to fall in love with my best friend? And why.. Why did it hurt so badly..?

My despair was suddenly changed into fury. I couldn't think straight. I was seeing red. I bit my lip so hard that blood began to trickle down my chin, dripping onto the sheets. I balled my fists up and punched everything; my pillow, the mattress, the wall, the wood that made up the bed, even my own body. I hated myself. I hated him for doing this to me. I hated what I was. I hated being so angry. I hated everything.

"I wish it would just stop.." I began to sob again, still punching and scratching at my own flesh. Then suddenly, I felt a growl start in the back of my throat. I continued to beat myself into a bloody mess, growling and snarling like a wolf.

Suddenly, the curtains were ripped apart, revealing James and Peter. Both boys were as white as my sheets had once been, which were now dripped with scarlet, and they were shaking. The wolf's anger faded away, and I knelt on my bed, staring up at the two of them, feeling lost and confused. Then, without warning, I burst into tears.

James didn't say anything, but crossed the room in wide steps, opened his trunk and pulled out his invisibility cloak. He threw it over me, and helped me to my feet. He ripped the sheet off the bed, and thrust it into my arms.

"I'm taking you to the hospital wing." He said simply to my invisible confused face. "Wormtail, take your essay and act like you had gone upstairs to fetch it from Moony. Don't tell Sirius, not while he's still curled around his latest girl."

I flinch. This goes unnoticed, however, Peter nods, grabs the fallen objects at the floor near the bottom of my bed, then scurries from the room. James then checks I'm completely covered, then follows him. I hurry after James, trying not to wince too loudly. In the wolf's violent attack, I'd carved gashed all over my body, mostly in my legs, making it agonising to walk quickly.

As we enter the common room, I'm relieved to see there are barely any people left. I spot Peter being helped with his essay by the girl, but my heart plummets as Sirius spots James and wanders over. He looks troubled.

"Is Moony okay?"

"He's fine, he's sleeping right now." James replies, and I'm shocked to hear a cold note in his voice. Sirius seems to have noticed it too, because his eyebrows shoot up into his hair. He doesn't comment, however.

"Thought I heard yelling when I walked past there a minute ago. I followed Peter up, and -"

"Nightmare, probably. I gotta go see Professor McGonagall, 'Scuse me Sirius."

As we walked past him, I looked back. His expression was plain shock and confusion, before he shrugged it off and went back to join Peter and his girlfriend. I felt a twinge of jealousy as he pulled her up, sat down then balanced her on his lap.

Why did love have to be so painful..?


	4. Wolf Blood

**~JAMES POV~**

I make myself comfortable at the table by placing my feet on the bench opposite, and leaning back slightly, reading through my recently completed Potions essay for Slughorn. Satisfied, I return it to my bag, and pull a steaming plate of chicken and mushroom pie towards me.

Just then, I hear storming footsteps, and almost immediately after, Sirius appears next to me, his expression twisted into a look of livid anger. Without so much as a greeting, he pulls several rolls of parchment, a quill and an ink bottle from his bag with such gusto that the bottle's lid comes unscrewed, making black ink fly in every direction. I wipe ink from my face, and raise my eyebrows at him.

"Sorry.." He mumbles angrily, waving his wand. The ink vanishes from the table and my face and lands with a soft _plink_ back into the bottle. He then slams a thick looking textbook onto the table, reads a small passage from it, and starts to scribble.

"What's pissed you off so badly?" I ask, placing a forkful of pie into my mouth.

"I dunno man, _tons_ of stuff. First off, I'm awake half the night cos it feels like something's missing, so I'm already in a bad mood cos I'm so damn tired. Then, I break up with my girlfriend, cos I dunno, it didn't feel right between us. She goes totally ape shape, and starts throwing curse after curse at me! And typically, as soon as I defend myself, I get spotted by Filch doing magic in the corridors! I end up with effing detention, while she gets off free! The bloody detention means I miss lunch, don't have time to finish my Goblin essay in time for the lesson, scribbled some rubbish down outside the classroom door and have Wormtail rubbing my nose in the fact that he got a better grade than I did. And to top it off, Slughorn corners me just before dinner, and reminds me about his stupid effing essay, so I'm gonna be up until the early hours of the effing morning writing the bloody thing!!"

"Bloody hell.." I mutter.

"I know.." He growls, then breathes in and looks at me, confused. "Just how the hell _did_ Peter do that essay? You know as well as I do that he's useless in class; he _never_ takes anything in.."

"Moony spent half a lifetime trying to explain it to him last night." I reply. My mind wanders to Moony. Would he be okay now?

Sirius smiles. "You think the ol' bookworm would mind giving me a hand?"

I shrug. "Ask him yourself."

Remus has just walked into the Great Hall, his nose buried in a book as usual. He quickly settles into a seat opposite me, and begins carefully spooning mashed potato into his mouth. As he sits and reads, completely oblivious to things going on around him, I take an opportunity to look at him. His eyes have dark bags underneath them, and he looks like he hasn't slept for weeks. His skin was even paler than normal, and looked stretched. He seemed drained and tired, and his eyes were bloodshot. As he moved his neck a little so as to eat his food quicker, I spotted the end of a pink stripe, and recognised Madam Pomphrey's potion she usually used on him. Remus looked ill, but it seemed that Sirius hadn't noticed. I turned my head and looked through the window. I spotted the moon quickly, nearing its full cycle. My eyes widened, and I reached out an arm to stop Sirius, but it was too late.

Sirius tugged violently on Remus' arm, dislodging a helping of potato. Remus jumped having been brought back into the real world without any warning. He glared somewhat coldly at Sirius, but he didn't notice.

"Hey Moony, would you mind helping me with my Potions essay?"

As I had expected, Remus tugged his sleeve out of Sirius' grip, and scowled. His eyes became steely slits and even colder, and he looked downright scary. So much so that even Sirius leant away from him.

"Not even gonna ask me how I am, Sirius? Didn't notice I was in the hospital wing all day? No, of course you didn't. I don't matter to you, do I Sirius? All I'm good for with you is stopping you from getting detentions just so you can go and fuck every single girl in the entire school." Remus snarls furiously.

I glance sideways at Sirius. He looks shocked, before his brow furrows, and the happy glint that appeared in his eyes when he saw Remus vanished.

"What the fuck?! I ask you for help, and you come out with a rant like that?! You think I'm fucking using you?!"

"No. I know you are."

Sirius leaps to his feet, closely followed by Remus.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Sirius bellows.

"I'm pissed off with being used like this, that's what's wrong with me!!" Remus screamed back.

Everyone else within the Great Hall had stopped talking with one another to listen to the shouting match. At Remus' words, they began muttering quietly again, probably taking what he had said completely the wrong way. But Remus and Sirius ignored them. They were too busy glaring death daggers at one another to care. Then two Professor McGonagall appeared from nowhere behind Remus. She took one look at his appearance, then at his eyes. I looked closer too. Even though I was across the table from him, I could see flecks of deep, dark grey. McGonagall looked up at the moon just like I had, gasped quietly, then steered Remus away from us. He didn't fight at all.

"He will not be returning to your dormitory tonight." She announced over her shoulder.

Sirius sat silently back down again, looking bewildered. I had never been this angry with him before. Was he seriously this ignorant?

He turned to face me, but I didn't speak, merely pointed through the window at the moon. I watched as realisation dawned on his face, and I was relieved to see guilt pouring into his expression. His cheeks, which had been rosy red a few seconds previously, were now the colour of sour milk. He turns back to me, and when he speaks his voice is so quiet I barely hear him.

"Wolf blood..?"

I nod. "The night before the transformation is always the worst for him. He loses his temper easily, and last night with Wormtail didn't help. He stormed upstairs and I guess his wolf blood took over, because he was beating ten tons of shit out of himself. When I stopped him, he was dribbling blood everywhere. I had to sneak him out of the common room under the invisibility cloak."

"So.. That's what you were doing last night?" His voice has gone strangely weak.

"Yeah. His wolf blood drives him crazy.. And he's had to live with it since he was seven.. I can't even _begin_ to tell you the respect I have for him for that.."


	5. Apology

**~REMUS POV~**

Urgh.. My head is spinning..

I find myself leant back against several fluffy pillows. It's incredibly comfortable. I wanted to lay my head back down and return to the peaceful sleep I had been in. But now I was awake, I could feel jolting pains prickling up and down my whole body. Feeling sick, I pulled back the sleeves of the long shirted top I wore and winced. At least double the normal about of scratches and bites were sunken deeply into my skin, the pale pink standing out like small beacons against my pale complexion.

I didn't need to see anything else to realise that the rest of my body was in a similar state. Everything else felt as bad as my arm, if not worse, and I didn't want to see the marks. It would bring back awful images and memories I wanted to forget all about.

However, thinking this brought them all flooding back anyway.

I yelled, swinging my arms and covering my eyes with them. In my violent motion, my left elbow banged painfully into something, and I heard a rattle. I removed my hands, and looked. I'd knocked into the bedside cabinet, and something was fluttering halfway down to the stone floor. I watched its graceful descent, wondering what it was. As far as I could tell, it was a piece of parchment.

As it landed and skidded along the floor a little, Madam Pomphrey appeared as if from nowhere at the foot of my bed. I spotted a bottle full of light blue paste, which I knew she covered my cuts in. It stopped the flow of blood, and made the cuts heal as best as they could.

"I heard you yell, Remus.. What's the matter?"

I smiled weakly at her. Over the years, she'd become as sort of caring grandmother to me. She was one of the few people in the entire castle who wasn't bothered by what I was, and she was always willing to help me in any way she was able. I had developed undying respect for her and what she did after my life had hung so many times in her hands.

"Yeah.. Yeah I'm fine.. Just woke up and didn't expect the pain to be that bad, that's all.."

She nods solemnly. "Did something happen to aggravate you in the last few days Remus? Your wounds were a lot more severe this time.. I wondered if it was because of any extra stress.."

I shrug. "I've been fighting with one of my best friends.. It's just hurting me a bit, that's all.."

"Mr Potter or Mr Pettigrew?" She asked.

I blinked. "No, Sirius Black."

She looks immensely confused at this news. She then smiles, and bends down to scoop up the piece of parchment.

"I think you should take a look at this. As soon as you feel up to it, Remus, you may leave." She hands the parchment to me, but I don't look at it just yet. One thing's still puzzling me.

She turns to go, but I call out before I can stop myself.

"Why didn't you think it was Sirius who was hurting me?"

She smiles warmly. "The boy had to be wrestled out of here when you were brought in at around six this morning. He had been sitting in that very chair all night long, just waiting." She indicated towards a small wooden chair next to the door. "Took Professors Slughorn, McGonagall and myself to get him out of here." She then turns and bustles straight back into her office.

I blink, then turn over the parchment in my hands. Printed on the other side of it was a muddy paw print of a large dog, with the words in untidy scrawl above it; '_I'm sorry..'_

The writing looked like Sirius', but even more like scribble. Was he shaking as he wrote it..?

I checked to make sure Madam Pomphrey was safely out of sight, then pressed my nose to the parchment and inhaled. My nostrils were instantly filled with the smell of freshly cut grass; exactly the same scent that Sirius' hair had. I practically beamed, feeling giddy and light headed.

He was sorry.. He had had to be forced out of the room because he had wanted to see me so much..

I forgot about the pain still stabbing around my whole body as I quickly dressed in my ruined robes, tucking the note carefully into an undamaged pocket.

*

Moments later, I skid to a halt in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady. I gabble the password, and she swings forward somewhat irritably at being awoken so early. I clamber through, ignoring her insults on how us teenagers have no respect for sensible waking hours. I almost trip on the stone in my haste to get to the boys' dormitory. I had to find Sirius, and tell him it was all okay, we were okay, I forgave him.

Just as I reached the bottom of the steps, I spotted something moving on a chair to my left. I whirled around, heart thumping, but relaxed when I saw Sirius curled up, fast asleep. I blinked at him, confusion overtaking fear and shock. What was he doing there? Why wasn't he upstairs in his bed? I notice as he shifts slightly in his sleep that he looks so peaceful. For someone so violent in his waking hours, I would have imagined him to be the same in his sleep. But it was like looking like a perfect clone of the boy I loved and adored. I felt my heart soar as he shifted again, and murmured a single word: "_Remus.."_

Suddenly, I heard the unmistakable noise of quiet footsteps sneaking down the steps right in front of me. I whirled around, and started when I saw James in a navy blue dressing gown, his hair messy as usual.

"Heard you come in." He indicated towards the portrait hole. He sees me glancing over at Sirius again, and smiles. "He was effing and blinding at McGonagall as she basically dragged him all the way back here. Saying how he had to tell you he was sorry. But of course, she can't know that we know, so he couldn't say why he knew you'd be there. In the end, she lost her temper and gave him detentions for about a month. So, he decided to spend the night down here instead, so that he'd be the first person you'd come across, and he could apologise in person. If he asks, I never told you this." James grins once more, then climbs back up the steps.

I find myself beaming once again, and I tiptoe as quietly as I can over to where he's laying. My feet make almost silent creaking noises on the floor, causing Sirius to stir softly. My smile widens as I reach him. He looked so peaceful, so content. I don't know how long I stood there, simply staring at his sleeping form. It could have been merely seconds, but it felt like hours. Being so close to him calmed me, made me happy. I found it difficult to believe that just a few days before, I'd been unable to look him in the eye.

"I'm sorry too, Pads." I whispered gently.

At the sound of my voice, his eyes flickered open. He blinked groggily up at me a couple of times, then seemed to realise who I was. He sat bolt upright, and I noticed he was looking concerned.

"Moony.. You gotta believe me.. I wanted to be there when you woke up, but they made me leave.. I'm not supposed to know about you.."

"Why did you wanna be there?" I asked. I'd heard it from James, but I wanted him to say it.

"Because.. I wanted you to know I was sorry. Truly sorry.. I never meant to hurt your feelings Rem, of course I care about you.. You're one of my best friends.. I'm just an idiot.. I'm so sorry.."

"Me too. I'm sorry too.."

He looks shocked, and stands up in front of me.

"What have you got to be sorry for..? I'm the bastard here.."

I shake my head. "I lost my temper and lashed out. You were only asking for help, and because of the wolf's blood, I lost it. I'm sorry I can't control it.."

I smile encouragingly at him. He manages a weak smile back at me, but I notice he doesn't meet my eyes.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Rem.. You know.. You know you can trust me.. So.. Instead of letting all of the pain get to you, come and talk to me, yeah..? I don't care what I'm doing at the time, I'll stop it for you.. Okay..?"

Unable to speak, I nod. After I answer, Sirius' pathetic excuse for a smile vanishes, to be replaced by his usual happy grin. He then does something that makes my stomach erupt with butterflies, and sends my heart lurching into my throat. He steps forward, and hugs me tightly. I'd never even seen him hugging his girlfriends like this; Sirius wasn't exactly the hugging type. Yet here he was, holding me tightly. I just about managed to stop myself from shaking long enough to hug him back.

And for those fleeting seconds we were holding one another, the beast inside me died. It was as if it had never been there. Sirius made it all go away. He made me safe. He made me happy.

I never wanted it to end.


	6. Suppressed Emotion

**~SIRIUS POV~**

One year's passed since the fight me and Moony had. Since then, I'd made sure to be totally considerate of his space, and in the week leading up to the full moon, I paid him extra attention, cos call me crazy, but I seemed to be the only one to be able to calm him down when he got into a frenzy. Seriously, one time, the day before the full moon, he was in the library, when I happened to be passing by. I looked in, and saw some guy bugging him at his desk. I saw the steely glint in his eye, and half sprinted over to the table. By the time I got there, he had the boy by the neck and was strangling the life out of him. Madam Pince was beside herself, but nothing she was saying was helping. All I did was call his name, and he let the guy go, looked at me and burst into tears. I had to put my arm around him and lead him, sobbing all the way, to the hospital wing.

After I kept appearing at the hospital wing every night of the full moon to wait with him while he slept, Madam Pomphrey got even more suspicious. Eventually I had to tell her that I knew about Remus, and she was very understanding. She said that it made my qualities as a friend even greater than she had first thought, because I was still caring about him even though I knew full well what he was. I found a whole new respect for her, and even started yelling at people who I overheard talking about her.

I'd even began pestering James to help me with my homework instead of Remus, so as to give Remus more personal space. The poor guy had enough with Wormtail as it was. I suppose it was just this that landed me in this situation in the first place.

I'm leaning against the wall beside the fire, staring out at the chairs and crowds of chattering Gryffindor girls. My eyes scan each group, but I can't see a trace of red hair. I sigh and roll my eyes. I sigh a little too loudly, and a small boy who was sitting in the chair just in front of me jumped out of his skin, whirling around to look for the source of the noise. It takes all of my self control not to scare the kid further by creeping up behind him and saying something right in his ear. He wouldn't be able to see me, and it'd freak the hell out of him.

But causing an uproar that the common room was haunted wouldn't make James any happier, and it would probably annoy Remus. He'd know I would have been the one who caused it, and I couldn't imagine him being too pleased with it. Being the Prefect, it was his job to make sure all the kids inside Gryffindor were okay and happy. In the end, it's the thought of Remus that stops me. As far as I'm concerned, James could shove this up his backside. Making me stay up under his bloody invisibility cloak to spy on Lily Evans for him in payment for letting me copy his notes? Hardly a fair trade, is it? After a while, the kid slips out of his seat and vanishes to his dormitory.

I look longingly at the now vacant chair. My legs are aching from standing up for so long, but I can't cross the room and settle into it, for fear that someone will sit on me. And as I promised James, I'm going to have to either grin and bare it, or settle on the floor.

I did a quick sweep of the common room again, then glanced at my watch. It was nine o'clock. Evans usually spent as much time as she could in the library nowadays, thanks to the quickly approaching OWLs. If the library shut now, she would more than certainly be dragging a heavy backpack full to bursting of books back to the common room, meaning the journey would take her more time than usual. I rolled my eyes again, then skulked over into a dark corner away from everyone. I'd been up since three in the morning yesterday reading through every single not I'd ever taken in Defence Against The Dark Arts, so I was bloody knackered. And now, having to do this tedious job just because Lily was one sighting of James away from getting a restraining order, I'd had to spy on her. In any case, she wasn't here yet, so I could have a quick nap. Before I can think otherwise, my eyelids have slid shut, and I can feel myself drifting off.

*

I wake with a jolt when a high pitched sound reaches my ears. I rub my eyes frantically, and realise with immense relief that the cloak is still covering my body. I strain my ears for the noise, and hear what sounds like gentle sobbing coming from a chair with its back to me. I stand, feeling slightly dizzy, and creep towards the chair.

I start when I see Remus huddled up, his balled fists rubbing away at his cheeks as waves and waves of tears cascade down them. My heart and stomach both jolt unpleasantly, and I just about managed to stop myself throwing down the cloak and holding him against me tightly. I felt like it was my duty to take care of him, to make sure he was okay. And seeing him like this.. And not being able to do anything.. It was tearing my heart up..

"Rem..? Here, have a tissue.."

I jump and swing around to look at the chair closest to Remus'. Lily was sitting there, holding out a white tissue to Remus, who took it in trembling hands. He dabbed at his face with it, but his cheeks were soon moist all over again. He sobbed, but seemed to be trying to conceal it, making a soft, squeaking noise. He must have been what had woken me up.

"T-T-Thanks Lil-y.." He manages to say between sobs.

She smiles. "Don't worry Remus. And as to what you were just telling me before you started crying, well.. I'm sure it'll work itself out in the end."

But this seems to be exactly the wrong thing to say. Instead of calming him, his eyes glaze with more tears, and he looks at her with an expression that clearly stated he was wondering just how sane she was. It was at this point that I felt a wave of superiority; I could calm him down when he got like this, but she couldn't.

"W-What part o-of doesn't r-r-realise I'm feeling th-this wa-ay, d-didn't y-y-you underst-st-stand?!"

Lily's own emerald green eyes filled with tears, and she reached forwards, patting him on the shoulder. I had an unnatural urge to rip her arm off. I noticed Lily's mouth moving, but I wasn't listening. Why had I reacted like that? Why had her trying to comfort Remus had such an effect on me? I decide it's because it's supposed to be my job, not hers, and she's screwing it up. But that doesn't explain why I wanted to hurt her..

"Y-You're real-lly sw-sw-sweet, Lily.." Remus choked, managing to smile through his tears.

She beamed at this, then knelt in front of him.

"So are you, Rem!" She said cheerfully, before leaning forwards and kissing his forehead.

It was like an iceberg had replaced my stomach. I felt a cold chill breezing all the way through my body. This was closely followed by intense fury. My hand was curling around my wand, before I realised just what I was doing. There had been a moment then, when all my brain was saying was 'She must die.' I don't know what came over me. But.. Seeing her kissing _my _Remus like..

Wait, what..?

I shake my head vigorously, then turn my attention back to Lily and Remus. She's now wiping his tears away, he's stopped crying, and a pink tinge has appeared in his cheeks. Then he beams at her. I've never seen Remus beam before..

I feel a jolt in my stomach.

"_It's because you saw her kissing Remus.. James is trying to get her.. He's your best friend.. That's why you care.._" I thought to myself over and over again.

But something didn't feel right.

It was like something inside me had been broken.

Like something was missing.

I watched as Remus got up from the chair, waved to Lily, and clambered up the steps. I stared after him long after he had gone, wondering why the sight of his smile turned my legs to jelly


	7. Reunited

**~NORMAL POV~**

Three days following the scene late at night in the common room between Lily and Remus, Sirius was avoiding the teenage werewolf at all costs. He didn't have any idea why, but every time he saw Remus' face, all he would be able to think about was Lily kissing him, and his blushing smile. And he didn't like the reaction he got from it; his stomach would knot tightly, his head would spin and he'd feel dizzy, and his heart would start hammering. He hated feeling like that.

Remus was also suffering from Sirius' odd behaviour, and he, like James and Peter, simply couldn't understand what was wrong with their friend. Remus had gone to Lily, unable to hold down his feelings for Sirius anymore. He knew he could trust her with anything, so he had confessed to being in love with his best friend. But now.. It was as if Sirius knew, because he was avoiding Remus like the plague. This thought drove cold spikes into Remus' heart. But then common sense overtook blind panic. There was no-one else in the room that night; they both had checked. Remus longed to tell Sirius how he felt, but he never seemed to get an opportunity to do so. If Sirius saw him walking towards him in a corridor, the raven haired boy would whirl about on the spot, and take off back the way he'd come, then seemingly vanish into thin air. He would eat breakfast before any of the others were even awake, and was long gone by the time they got there. Lunch and dinner were similar affairs. Even during lessons, Sirius would turn his chair as far away from Remus as he could get, or he would swap places with someone else. If he was forced to stay at his table with Remus, he would avoid eye contact, put his face so close to the parchment he would flick himself with ink occasionally, and work in total silence. Even the teachers were noticing something was wrong. When asked about it however, Remus always heard him say that everything was fine. When they got homework, Remus' hopes raised. Sirius _always_ begged him to help him, but when he got to the common room that night, he was both shocked and hurt. Sirius was half hidden in a shadowy corner by piles of books and parchment, working away solidly at a single table. As soon as he was done, or if any of his fellow Marauders approached him, he would grab his things, shove them awkwardly into his bag and hurry up the stone steps into the boys' dormitory. On the one occasion that Remus had instantly followed him up there, the curtains around the boy's bed were drawn tightly, and obviously fake snores would be filtering through.

Sirius' strange new behaviour had a worse effect on Remus than James or Peter put together. Sure, James had lost his best friend and was stuck with a nagging, worshipping Peter, but Remus was quickly spiralling into moral decline. His wolf blood was now starting to get the better of him a week and a half before each full moon. He would become irritable and snappy in classes, flatly refuse to do the homework set, and began to misuse his Prefect power by screaming at a terrified Hufflepuff first year for looking at him.

James and Peter could see that their friendship was falling apart at the seams, and they didn't need the brains of a genius to see it was because something had happened between Remus and Sirius. They felt though, that it wasn't any of the business, and hoped that their friends would drop the cold shoulder act with one another soon. They were adamant not to involve themselves, but finally, after Remus tried to throw someone through a blackboard for saying Sirius' name, they decided they had to act. It was the day before the full moon before they put their plan into action.

Peter had lost the rock-paper-scissors match with James, and had therefore been forced into being the one to fetch Remus. He was terrified at this. Not only did Remus have unnatural strength, he would snap if people so much as breathed near him nowadays. James was given the much more relaxing job of keeping Sirius busy while Peter lured Remus back into the common room.

*

It was late on Saturday afternoon before they were able to put their plan into action. Peter was sent off to the library; A journey which he tried to lengthen as much as he possibly could. Meanwhile, James emptied the common room using a couple of Dungbombs he had been saving from Zonko's, and had only just finished getting rid of the stink when Sirius arrived. The raven haired boy took a couple of nervous looks around the room.

"Moony's at the library." James explained, hopping down off the table he had been standing on to open the window.

Sirius breathed a sigh of relief, and collapsed into a chair, looking exhausted.

"What's up with you?" James asked.

"Haven't been able to sleep properly.. I dunno why, but I just can't seem to sleep nowadays.."

"You look pretty rough.." James admitted, taking a thorough look at Sirius. The boy had large black bags underneath his eyes which were bloodshot, his skin was pale and he looked ill.

"Thanks, man.." Sirius mumbled.

He sank back into the chair and closed his eyes. Just then, the portrait hole opened, and Remus stepped through. James, who had remained standing for this very purpose, shot past Remus and joined a shaking Peter out in the hallway. The boys then sealed the door shut, knowing it would only unlock when the other two were no longer fighting. Now it was only a matter of waiting, and shooing away anyone who tried to enter.

It took Remus and Sirius a few moments to realise they were alone together for the first time in over a week. They both stood staring, transfixed, at one another for several moments. Then Sirius dropped his gaze from Remus' amber stare, and headed straight for the boys dormitories. This action flared Remus' temper.

"You scared of me or something, Padfoot?" He called mockingly. Sirius froze. "Scared of the big bad wolf?"

Sirius whirled around.

"Why would I be scared of you, huh?!" He bellowed.

"I dunno, you tell me! _You're _the one who's been avoiding me!"

"I haven't been avoiding you -"

"Bollocks!"

"Shut up Moony, you've got no idea what you're talking about!!"

"I wanna know why you've been avoiding me, Padfoot!!" Remus screamed.

"For the last time -"

"WHY ARE YOU AVOIDING ME?!?! WHAT HAVE I DONE THAT'S SO WRONG TO YOU?!"

"God, I can't stand you while you're like this!! Do you know how annoying it was to have to be there for you every second when you were letting your so called wolf blood take over?! You know how much of a pain in the ass that was?! Have you even stopped to think that maybe I was getting sick of it?!" Sirius wasn't even listening to what he was saying. He didn't realise the blow his words were having on Remus. With every sentence, another crack engraved itself on his heart.

"I never asked you to help me!!" He yelled back.

"And you never thanked me either! You take everything for granted sometimes Moony!! Sometimes I wish I'd never even met you!!"

It was this last statement that finished it for Remus. His eyes widened, and he stared into Sirius' angry face. His fists clenched at his sides. He couldn't, he wouldn't, not now..

But he couldn't stop it. Moments later, tears were pouring down his face, dribbling down his cheeks, falling and splashing into a million pieces on the carpet, each tiny droplet depicting his broken heart.

Sirius finally seemed to realise what he had said, because he clapped his hands over his mouth in shocked horror, but the damage was already done. Without warning, Remus sprinted past Sirius, and thundered up the staircase. Without hesitating another second, Sirius dashed after him, hoping he wasn't about to do anything stupid.

As Sirius half fell into the room they shared with James and Peter, he spotted Remus kneeling on the floor, his shoulders quaking. He was overcome with the same feeling he had felt that night while he eavesdropped on Remus and Lily. He just wanted to fall to Remus' side, hug him and never let him go. Sirius felt a twisting sensation of guilt and another emotion he couldn't define in the pit of his stomach.

"Rem.." He whispered softly. "Rem.. I'm sorry.."

It took Remus a while to reply. He had cried all of his tears, and was steadying his voice before he answered.

"Why does it always seem to be us fighting..?" He didn't turn to look at Sirius.

"I can't answer that.." Sirius replied, still in the soft tone. "But I don't wanna be fighting with you anymore.."

"Me neither.. I don't wanna fight with you either.."

"So.. Are we cool..?"

Remus finally turned around to look up at Sirius. Tears were leaking out his eyes once more, but he wiped them away with the back of his hand, and managed a small smile.

"Yeah.. Yeah we're cool.."

Sirius crossed the gap between them, knelt down in front of Remus and hugged him tightly. He didn't know why he did it, it just felt like the right thing to do. He heard Remus utter a faint gasp of surprise, before winding his arms around Sirius' back and holding on tightly.

"Rem..?" Sirius whispered, not releasing the other teen.

"Yeah?"

"What's going on Rem..? You can tell Lily Evans, but you can't tell me..?"

Remus squeaked. "How did you -?"

"James made me go and spy on Lily to see the best angle he should try to get her to date him in return for him letting me copy his notes. But.. I kinda fell asleep, and woke up to hear you crying. I didn't hear what your problem was, so I wanna know.."

Remus paused. When he spoke again, his voice was barely more than a whisper.

"I'm in love with someone.. Trouble is, they don't like me that way.."

Sirius nodded slowly, then pushed Remus away gently by his shoulders, so that he could look him deeply in his amber eyes.

"Wanna tell me who that someone is?"

Remus shook his head.

"Did you tell Lily..?"

Again, Remus shook his head. Sirius breathed an inward sigh of relief.

"Well.. Whoever this person is.. If they're not into you Rem, they're crazy. You're one of the kindest people I know, and for you to still be the guy you are, and not some emotional dickhead cos of your problem, it's astounding. If this person had any sense at all, they'd feel the same."


	8. You're Safe With Me

**~SIRIUS POV~**

I lay flat out on my bed, sleep taking a long time to get to me tonight. I can faintly hear Peter snoring away through his drawn curtains right on the other side of the room. James as usual is silent, but I hear him mumble what sounds uncannily like 'Lily' every now and again. Remus had drawn his curtains shut tightly, and I could just about hear what sounded like muffled moans of pain. I sat up on the mattress and stared over at Remus' bed. As the curtains were still draped around him, I couldn't know for sure if he was in pain, or just having a nightmare. As this thought crosses my mind, I find myself thinking back. Throughout our five years at Hogwarts, I'd never seen Remus have a calm, peaceful sleep. Come to think of it, he _always_ looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. As a soft, pathetic whimper reaches my ears, I can't take it any longer.

I swing my legs out over my bed and stride across the room to Remus'. I take a deep breath, then gently open the curtains. Remus is curled up in a tiny ball facing me. He is much paler than normal, his face looking stricken and terrified. Beads of sweat are appearing on his forehead and trickling down his face. I have an unnatural urge to hold him close to me, and chase away all of his fears. My arms twitch towards him, but he speaks in a low, scared voice, making me freeze.

"Don't hurt them.. Please.. Leave them alone.. Hurt me.. No.. Anyone but him.. Leave him.. Hurt me, _please_.."

Before I can stop myself, I stroke his cheek with my index finger as softly as I can, and whisper into his ear.

"Ssh, Rem.. Ssh.. It's okay.. No-one's gonna hurt you.. I won't let them, Rem."

Call me crazy, but I swear as soon as my fingertips touch his skin, colour floods back to his face, he stops sweating, and his face becomes a lot more peaceful. I blink, watching him sleep. My fingers continued to stoke his cheek without my realising, but I found I didn't care. All I wanted to do was stand there watching him sleep like this for hours. I didn't even care if one of the others woke up and saw this. All I could see was Remus. All I cared about was Remus. He was all that mattered to me, right at that very moment.

After a while, I felt my eyelids drooping. Watching Remus for as long as I had had finally made me tired. I turn to go back to my own bed, when I feel something grab my hand. It takes all the self control I have not to yell out in shock. I whirl around, and see Remus gripping my hand, his eyes opening weakly. As his eyes come into focus and fall on me, tears well up and start to trickle down his face.

I'm kneeling back in front of him in a heartbeat.

"What's wrong..?" I ask softly, holding his hand.

Remus sniffed, and gripped my hand even tighter.

"The wolf.. It was attacking everyone.. James and Peter.. And then you.. I was begging, pleading for it to leave you all alone.. But it ripped you all up and there was nothing I could do.." He gulps, then continues. "I just.. I always.. I always feel so alone.. The wolf.. It always haunts my dreams.. And.. I can't ever escape it.."

Unable to do anything else, I stroke the back of his hand with my thumb, while wiping away his tears with my spare hand. I feel so damn useless. He needs someone to protect him, but I can't do that. I can't help him in his sleep..

But then again..

My mind jolts back to a few minutes back, when he had been stuck in a horrifying nightmare, and my presence had silenced it. Maybe.. Maybe if I stayed with him while he slept, he would be able to sleep peacefully..?

Without pausing to even consider what I was doing, I clambered over the top of Remus' figure, and lay with my back pressed against the wall. He flipped over in his bed, looking shocked.

"What are you doing?" He hissed.

"I'm gonna keep you safe while you're sleeping, Rem. I'm gonna protect you from the wolf."

I then reach over him and draw the curtains. He seems too tired to argue, just rolls his eyes then settles his head back down on the pillow. I wriggle my arm underneath his neck, and he snuggles sleepily against my chest. His hair tickles as he moves, making himself comfortable, then his breathing gets slower and heavier, and I realise he's fallen asleep in my arms. I wind my other arm around his waist, and lay my head above his on the pillow. I had slept like this with plenty of girls, but there was always bones sticking uncomfortably into me, or hair getting in my face. But like this with Remus.. I was totally relaxed, and so was he. I had never been so comfortable in my life. It was like we just fitted together, like a jigsaw puzzle.

"You're safe now.." I whispered to the top of his head softly, then allowed sleep to claim me too.


	9. Granted Wishes

**~REMUS POV~**

I still remember vividly the look on James' face when he had wrenched open the curtains around my bed and saw me and Sirius cuddled up together. While he had slept, Sirius had locked his arms together, and his mouth was actually brushing against my neck every time I breathed in. I had squeaked, and leapt away from him, making him wake with a start. Then we'd seen his expression. Pure glee. Then he disappeared through the door and we heard him bellowing out to the entire common room about how Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were found sleeping in the same bed. By lunchtime, the entire school had known.

Various hordes of girls had come sidling up to Sirius all day, some crying, asking if the rumours were true. Instead of blushing scarlet and denying it with all the breath in his lungs, he seemed to smile almost proudly, and nod. By that time, the ones who weren't crying were doing so.

I no longer had to fear my dreaming world. The nightmares about the wolf inside me were now a thing of the past. Every single night, Sirius would clamber in next to me, always with the same reassurances that he would keep me safe. And he always did. I now loved going to bed. Mostly because I'd spend it curled up with the boy I loved, but also because my pillow now smelled exactly like his hair. Even if he was late coming upstairs, I would lay my head on the pillow and breathe in his heavenly scent until he got there.

All four of us sailed through our OWL examinations, and even Peter managed a small smile when they were all over. There was quite a tight situation for James when Lily Evans came so close to hating his guts forever, but her anger was turned on Severus Snape in the end, something which James was quietly ecstatic about. He had come skipping into the common room late that night, saying that he had found Lily crying in the grounds and she'd let him hug her. Sirius had said that it was only a hug, but James grinned and said a hug lead to kisses, and soon enough she would be his.

Which was when she appeared behind him and walloped him with a library book.

My paranoia began to rise again the very next day, as posters went up everywhere talking about a dance reserved for the Fifth and Seventh years only as a treat for finishing their exams. I knew that girls would be ready to kill one another if it meant being asked by Sirius, and I felt certain that he would want to sleep with them instead of me.. Not that I could blame him. I was so terrified that the wolf dreams would come back that I confided in the first person I saw; Peter. I begged him not to tell Sirius, so naturally, by dinner, the raven haired boy knew.

I had been sitting at the table, reading, when Sirius slid into the seat next to me, looking troubled. He told me that Peter had told him, and I made secret plans to throw the boy out of the highest Astronomy Tower. But, like everything else wrong with my life, Sirius sorted it out. He had told me that if I was so panicky about this, he wouldn't go with any girls. He would just turn up and keep me company, so that I didn't have to be alone. I was so amazed by the lengths he would go to just to keep me happy, I agreed without even thinking about it.

So now here we were. The night of the dance. The I couldn't so much as go to the bathroom without hearing someone spreading the rumour that I was going with Sirius as a date. It annoyed me next to no end, but the wolf's blood refused to boil. It was as if Sirius had evaporated it from my body. Utterly amazing..

"Moony! Hey, Moony!!"

His voice snaps me out of my daydream. I look down towards where it had come from. He was leaning against one of the pillars leading into the Great Hall. Streams of boys and girls were practically running into the Hall, desperate it seemed, to dance with one another. I hurried down the rest of the steps, and came to a halt in front of Sirius, who grinned.

"Hey Pads." I say, grinning.

He smiles, then leads me away from the Great Hall and towards the open front doors. I blink up at him, but he only smiles back.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"The lake. It's got amazing views especially on a clear night like this, and besides, I wanna avoid that Hall at all costs."

"Why? Scared your several legions of fan girls will jump you and take you away?"

He laughs. "That and Lily just accepted James' offer to dance. I left as he knocked poor Peter flying in his desperation to get up."

I laugh too, and let Sirius lead me to the lake.

*

We settle on the floor staring out at the lake. Sirius was right, it was beautiful. There were no clouds in the vast black sky, which was littered with stars. A crescent moon shone brightly almost directly above our heads, illuminated perfectly on the lake's mirror like surface. The trees of the Forest swayed rhythmically as a gentle breeze wafted through them. As it swam through Sirius' hair, I was hit with my favourite scent ever. Him. Just him. Everything about him was special.

"Where'd you get this..?" I ask as he hands me a Butterbeer.

"Swiped 'em from the Hall." He says simply, grinning.

I smile. "Thanks Sirius.."

"No problem Rem."

"No.. Thanks for the drink and everything.. But I was talking about everything you've ever done for me.."

"Whatcha mean?" He looks curious.

I sit back and look up at the moon.

"Well.. You've always been there when I've needed you, and you've even started sleeping in the same bed as me to chase away my nightmares. I can never thank you enough.." I finished softly, not looking at him. My throat has gone dry, so I drink.

"Rem..?"

"Yeah?"

"You never did tell me, even though you told Lily.. Who are you in love with, if you still are?"

He looks at me, and I feel my face heating up. I force myself to look back at him, and have to take several deep breaths before I can reply.

"Yeah I am, so much it kills. But.. I never told Lily the name, and I really don't wanna say.."

Sirius nods slowly. When he next speaks, his eyes are glued on mine, and I find I can't look away.

"There's someone that I'm crazy about."

My world feels like it's shattering around me. I feel devastated, but manage to pass this off by taking another drink of Butterbeer. I gulp it down past the lump that has nestled in my throat before replying.

"Who?"

Sirius blinks.

"Why do you wanna know?"

"So I can help you guys get together?" I don't know why I said it.. It was the first thing that came to mind.

Sirius looks taken aback for a few seconds, then he smiles so widely that his entire face seems to light up.

"There's only one way I can tell you who. But you gotta close your eyes."

Highly confused, I do as he asks. I couldn't help but wonder if he was going to run off and leave me sitting there, but I heard him move close by, a lot closer than he had been a few seconds before..

The next thing I know is something is applying very gentle pressure to my lips. Even so, I leap away in shock, covering my mouth. Sirius is kneeling where I had just been, smiling.

"It's you Rem. It's always been you. I don't leap in front of people twice my size for just anyone ya know. Trouble was, I didn't know what I was feeling at the time. I was too young. Then, when I found out about what you were, the feeling grew. I wanted to protect you, I wanted to keep you happy. I wanted you to be yourself, and be relaxed enough to do so. Every time I got a girlfriend, it felt weird. Like something in me wasn't complete. And I realised the first night I spent in your bed.. It was. I was complete. You made me like that. And that time I was listening in on you and Lily? She kissed your forehead, remember? That was why I was avoiding you. Every time I saw you, it killed me. I've only just realised recently Rem, but it's true. I totally, one hundred percent, fucking love you. I'm always going to watch over you, and keep you safe. I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you.."

My head was spinning, and my heart was hammering against my ribcage. Was this for real? Did he really mean all of those things? I glanced into his eyes, and saw the pleading look, the longing for me to believe him. I gulped, my mouth now dry too.

"Sirius.. It.. It's you too.. Ever since you saved me.. From Malfoy.. I've been head over heels.. In love with you.."

Sirius looks utterly bewildered for a second, then his face splits into a brightening smile again. He beckons he to him, and I crawl forwards, knowing all of my prayers are about to be answered. About a millimetre away from Sirius, my body froze from both fear and nerves. I began to shake, but Sirius smiled encouragingly, bringing back my confidence. He snaked both arms around my neck and gently pulled me closer, before capturing my mouth with his. It was heavenly, like him. My stomach exploded with a million butterflies as he held me even tighter. I wound my arms around his shoulders and pulled him even closer.

As we broke away a few seconds later, gasping for breath, I saw the moon reflected perfectly in his black orbs. I smiled. The moon had always been my greatest enemy, but now it was my best friend.

And with that thought, I pulled Sirius against me once more, finally experiencing what it was like to be loved by someone who appreciated who I was past the wolf. Past the monster. Into the soul within.


End file.
